Last month we ran a survey asking men and women how important position is when they have sex. The full results are here. Below is why I think the results mean you let your wife choose the position almost every time.
- 46% of the men, but only 13% if the women said, “I can orgasm in any position, but some are better.”
- 55% of women, but only 12% of men said some positions make orgasm difficult or impossible.
- 20% of women versus 7% of men said, “Some positions leave me my body sore”
- 22% of women and 5% of men said, “Some positions leave my genitals sore”
- Half of men, but only a third of women, said. “I have preferences, but it really doesn’t matter much.”
- 40% of men and 18% of women said. “Anything is good”.
Clearly, position matters more to women in terms of enjoyment, being able to have an orgasm, and not being sore from sex. All of these are valid issues, and most are not within her power to change except for changing position.
As to the issue of soreness, realise her bits are far more delicate than yours. This is doubly true if you’re circumcised, but even an uncut penis is far tougher than the vulva and vagina. Even worse than being sore, some women suffer yeast infections or urinary tract infections from intercourse in certain positions, and that’s not something you want her to associate with having sex!
The one caveat here is men were more likely to say variety is important to them: 55% of men versus 35% or women. While this is more about preference than most of the women’s reasons for avoiding some positions, it’s not invalid. Express the desire, but do so in the context of wanting all your lovemaking to be good for her. If she’s sexually healthy enough and generous enough to make this a priority, great. If she’s unwilling, pressing her will only make sex a bigger problem in your marriage. My suggestion is to mention it only rarely and make it clear you want to add a bit of variety to a good thing rather than implying what you’re currently doing isn’t enough.
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There is one other usual practicality. The guy is usually heavier than the woman. Sore hips, back, legs or bum from being crushed under an enthusiastic, loving but too heavy husband are not fun in two ways. First and obviously, it just plain hurts the wife – and second, often she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him there’s something wrong with what he’s doing so she suggests another position to try to be diplomatic about it.
We stopped using one position when I finally screamed and started to weeping when his hand slipped, throwing his whole body weight down on me, bending my knees the wrong direction. He couldn’t understand why I just didn’t say, “You’re crushing me.” while I was surprised that he was so willing to give up his favorite position.