I don’t want a help meet, I want an ezer kenegdo!
I’ve never wanted a “little woman” who would cook, clean up, tell me how smart and strong I am, and have duty sex on command. I don’t want an assistant, I want a full partner in this adventure we call life. I’m looking for an ezer kenegdo!
In Genesis 2:18 we read that God makes Adam a “helper suitable for him”, or a “help meet”. The Hebrew there is ezer kenegdo and “help meet” is an exceptionally poor translation of what those words mean. If you want more on this, my own dear ezer kenegdo has a great post on this. In fact, Why I Don’t Use the Words “Help Meet” is her #1 most read post.
I find having a partner is a wonderful thing.
- Her different perspectives, feelings, and desires can be annoying at times, but far more often I benefit from them. I have access to her wisdom and knowledge, which makes me smarter and better able to deal with things.
- When I’m building something her input often results in a better outcome than I’d have accomplished on my own. Sometimes she has a better idea, other times she sparks a better idea in my mind.
- Problem-solving is so much better with her help. Sometimes we are at loggerheads, which forces me to examine things more thoroughly. If I decide I’m right, I’m very sure; if I decide she’s right I save myself some trouble.
- She’s more cautious than I am. I could be annoyed by this (and admittedly sometimes I am), but I know she’s saved me trouble and injury on many occasions.
- I’ve never had sex with someone who was totally submissive to me, but I can’t imagine it would be much fun. Sex with someone who has her own desires and ideas is a lot of fun!
I don’t know why the idea of a help meet wife was ever popular. Perhaps it became a matter of doing what we thought the Bible commanded. The good news is God intended your wife to be more than a servant with benefits.
BTW: None of this means I don’t see headship as a valid biblical concept. I’ve not addressed that in a long time, I will do so later this month.
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Great post, Paul. You outlined the things you cherish in your marriage beautifully.
https://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/07/your-dying-spouse-178-something-big-fmf.html
I did some looking in to “help meet” in the bible a bit ago and it turned up some neat things.
1) only used twice in those words, BEFORE Eve was created, never after. After that was wife, woman, etc. I’d account this to like how when we say we want something (like a frozen dessert) and we name it (ice cream). The definition of what God was going to create for Adam was before it was created, and Adam’s job was to name, so it came afterwards.
2) The term “help” is translated “aid – help”. When you look up all the other translations for “help” using the same Hebrew word, it’s in 23 verses in the OT with 7 NOT referring to God/Lord as the “help”. Two refer to the “help meet” for Adam, one might be referring to the Lord (but not in that verse), the last 4 in the same idea we use the word.
3) Most of the other translations for the Hebrew word “meet” are “before” or “opposite”, as in right in front of you. That accurately describes what Eve was, the opposite of Adam.
When you combine those together you get an accurate definition of what Eve was designed to be, which is what you describe up above. I tend to believe that “help meet” was taken by Satan and turned in to “slave” or “assistant.”
God loves to compare our relationship with Jesus and us like a marriage, and that would put us as the “help meet” to Jesus. There’s nothing we can DO to get Jesus to forgive us or love us, just like there’s nothing our wife should DO to get us to forgive her or love her. Saying a “help meet” is like an “assistant” is like saying we’re an “assistant” to Jesus and if we’re not assisting we’re not going to get in his good graces.
Good post. :)
Stephen Howe “I tend to believe that ‘help meet’ was taken by Satan and turned in to ‘slave’ or ‘assistant.'”
I agree. And sadly we fell for the lie and perpetuated it. I think some who live this really want something more but feel they are doing what God commanded.