On Tuesday, I asked if you were settling in your life. On Wednesday, I asked if your wife was settling anywhere.
Now let’s talk about settling in our sex lives. This could mean settling for too little sex, but it could also mean settling for too narrow a repertoire. For your wife, it might mean settling for not climaxing as often as she would like because it feels like too much work, or she fears you think it’s too much work. Or perhaps she’s not asking you for something because she assumes you’ll say no or think poorly of her.
Most couples don’t communicate well about sex, so confusion and wrong assumptions are common. Being lovingly honest about what you enjoy, what you don’t, and what you’d like to try is a good place to start. Then encourage your wife to do the same.
The next step is getting God into this. As I see it, God intended us to have strong, mutually enjoyable sex lives. For me, this is not as much about what each of you might or might not want as it is being in God’s will. Yes, I’m saying He has a will for your sex life. As with much in life, there’s some wiggle room, and what you want and enjoy is not to be ignored, but He gets the final word. Failing to have the sex life God intended seems to me as wrong as failing to follow His will in any other area of our lives.
Please don’t use this to tell your wife it’s God’s will for her to have sex with you daily, or to perform oral sex, or in any other way use God to get what you want. If you heard God’s perfect will for your sex life I’m willing to bet it would include a few things not on your wish list, and be lacking something you want. Likewise for your wife.
Ask God what He wants. Ask your wife to seek the same from God. If you can agree on His will, work toward it. If not, keep praying.
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