When sex was less common in our marriage, I made way too big a deal about having sex on holidays. Days like my birthday, our anniversary, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, New Year’s, Ground Hog’s Day, Origami Day, Jerky Day (June 12th) and so on.
I recall the first major holiday when I knew I wouldn’t be upset if we didn’t have sex. I don’t recall if we had sex. Funny how that works.
The problem with “It’s a holiday, we have to have sex” is the pressure it put on Lori. She knew I expected sex and would be disappointed if we didn’t do it. If I’d have been happy with duty sex, she might have been able to just do it, but I expected more. My expectation made it even more difficult to have what I wanted.
Pressure aside, some holidays are exhausting and full of time pressure. Not the best situation for great sex. Add in excited kids off from school and family visiting/staying for a few days, and good sex is out of the question.
I’m not suggesting anyone should be okay with no sex between Thanksgiving and January 2nd. If the holidays put a major dent in your sex life, you need to cut back somewhere. A minor dent, however, is to be expected.
A few thoughts on holiday sex:
- If sex helps your wife unwind, making time for regular sex the next month and a half is a loving gift.
- If stress makes sex difficult or unenjoyable for your wife, coming up with ways to help her relax is a better gift.
- If having sex with relatives in the house makes her uncomfortable, make dates for before and after company.
- Be honest with her about your need for release. Tell her you prefer to make love for both of you, but when she’s not up to that you would really appropriate an occasional quickie or her hand.
- Just decide sex won’t happen on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s. Better yet, tell your wife as much as you would like it, you know it’s not likely and you’re okay with that.
- Take comfort in the fact the holidays will be less maddening when the kids are older or have moved out. Mom and dad may not be having bedroom fun, but grandma and grandpa may be!
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Yes, sometimes holidays place such stress r time constraints on both partners that just getting a bit of sleep is difficult.
Perhaps a couple can just cuddle, talk a bit about the holiday under consideration and see what happens? Often the relaxing environment without pressure allows for you to enjoy each other sexually or perhaps it simply allows you to get a better quality of sleep.
I agree that before we got into a different routine, I pushed for us to have more sex at these times.
Also if you talk with your wife long before the season hits (THANKS PAUL) with your wife about your needs and expectations, life goes smoother in all areas including sex.
Thanks for the “nudge”.
Hey my eBook is now live on Amazon.com/dp/B00PHKSY5G/ Cracking The Marriage Code
I thought you were talking about the European version of holiday sex, IE vacation sex. I will give the misses a pass on traditional American holiday sex but vacation sex is the best. We were fortunate enough to spend several weeks w/o our children in Spain last year and it was the best love making in our 25 years of marriage. There’s always hope! !
I did think of that when I wrote this. One of the fun things of being read around the world.
Vacation sex can be great. Of course it helps to get more than the normal 2 weeks we get here in the States.