I recently added a “Your Needs” category on the blog. This is the counterpart to “Her Needs“, which was added four years ago.
The addition reflects an adjustment in what I am blogging. I’ve been all about a man understanding his wife’s needs and working to take care of those needs. I feel men have valid needs too, but I have not usually gone there. I have always believed if a man gives his wife what she needs she will do the same for him. I’m now seeing some problems with this theory:
- Some women don’t respond. They are happy to have their needs met, but make no attempt to learn and meet the needs of their husband.
- Sacrifice is good, but too much sacrifice by one spouse can promote an unhealthy relationship.
- There are those who promote “women are wonderful and men are scum”. Never talking about a man’s valid needs makes it look like I agree with that lie.
- Some men (many men?) are so starved in many areas of their life and marriage they can’t unilaterally meet her needs long enough for it to make a difference.
I will still put the burden on men most the time on this blog. I’m speaking to men here, and men have far more power over what they do than what their wife does. However, I’ll be doing some posts to balance things out. Your needs are just as real and valid as your wife’s, and you have just as much right to expect her to work to meet them as she has to expect you to meet her needs.
Related Resource: Over on Journey to Surrender, Scott has a great post entitled What Do You Need?
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Some men (many men?) are so starved in many areas of their life and marriage they cannot unilaterally meet her “needs long enough for it to make a difference.”. Very very true in both direction. And I think that overall, a male’s needs are much more basic, simpler and easier to understand. A female has the whole emotional dimension too which men always don’t/can’t understand and when her needs are repeatedly not met (even with well-meaning husbands), it takes a heavy toll on the relationship.
Some men (many men?) are so starved in many areas of their life and marriage they cannot unilaterally meet her “needs long enough for it to make a difference.”. Very very true in both direction. And I think that overall, a male’s needs are much more basic, simpler and easier to understand. A female has the whole emotional dimension too which men always don’t/can’t understand and when her needs are repeatedly not met (even with well-meaning husbands), it takes a heavy toll on the relationship.
Thank you!
Thank you!
babblingagain I agree his needs are usually fewer and more common to all men.
You are right it works both ways. Sometimes the only option is for both to make small changes at the same time. This usually takes a third party to moderate things.
Thanks for the mention Paul. I too am working on some follow up posts regarding needs. It will be interesting to compare notes.
Thanks for the mention Paul. I too am working on some follow up posts regarding needs. It will be interesting to compare notes.
Thanks for the mention, Paul. I too am working on some follow up posts. It will be interesting to compare notes.
babblingagain Yes I would agree with you. As husbands we need to go first and meet our wife’s needs and in time I believe she will meet ours. I know for me I went on too long waiting for me wife to respond when I should have been the initiator all along. I really appreciate this blog Paul. Keep the posts coming. God bless!
babblingagain Yes I would agree with you. As husbands we need to go first and meet our wife’s needs and in time I believe she will meet ours. I know for me I went on too long waiting for me wife to respond when I should have been the initiator all along. I really appreciate this blog Paul. Keep the posts coming. God bless!