As I said yesterday, we all have a natural desire to be in control. We want to be the master of our own destiny, so to speak. We want to do what we want to do, when and how we want to do it.
We understand marriage means we have to let go of some control, but more often than not, there is something left after husband and wife have both given up as much control as they’re willing to give up. The usual “solution” is to do everything we can to keep as much control as possible. That can look like any of the following:
- Not giving necessary information to our wife. If knowledge is power, then keeping knowledge to yourself means more control.
- Not telling your wife things common courtesy says you should. This is much like the above, but in “minor” things like not letting her know when you’re running late, or that you plan to make an extra stop on your way some place. As above, the reason is the less she knows, the less control she has.
- Passive/aggressive behaviour, including refusing to answer her questions. More trying to limit control by limiting information.
- Making decisions without discussing it with her. Some men become very adept at arranging things so that a decision is needed when their wife is not around.
- Spending money without discussing it. Not small things, but things big enough it matters to the budget.
- Keeping some money she doesn’t know about. Not pocket change, larger amounts.
- Committing your wife to something on her behalf, or as a couple, without discussing it with her.
- Being intentionally unavailable when you know she needs something from you.
- Holding out on some critical element of a project your she is doing, holding her up because she needs your part to move on.
- Promising the kids something without discussing it with your wife; especially if it commits her to doing something.
These are just a sample. Most of these are not direct, they’re “sneaky” and frankly, dishonest.
What are you doing to gain control?
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I understand what you’re getting at,however scripture does state that the husband is to rule the household.That is not to say he should do it simply to benefit himself, but for the good of everyone else. Too often men today either completely give in to their wives entirely, or abuse them. It is much easier to do nothing all the while being resentful, or completely disregard you wife’s welfare.Like it or not ,as Christian men we are responsible to God for our wives and children.It is both a right and responsibility not to be taken lightly.
Ted – Covering that on Sunday.
[…] Relax, I Got This – Do you crave control? Not sure? Paul provides a great list for starters to see if you’re being stealth about this damaging trait. […]