A few days ago, my bride wrote My Cottage Garden, in which she talks about her gradually growing cottage garden. She makes a great point about some poor reasons why many of us don’t invest as much in our marriage as we should, and I urge you to go read her for those things. That said, I’d like to make a different point.
I happen to like Lori’s cottage garden – I like the concept, and I like how it’s looking. However, even if I didn’t care, I’d be supportive because this is something she wants to do. This is fun for her, and good for her, and that is all it takes for me to be all for it and as supportive as possible.
There is, however, a danger – getting too involved. This is her thing, and she’s having a blast with it. She cares what I think, and enjoys discussing how it is going and what she wants to do next, but this is not a project she wants to do jointly. Lori wants it to be a reflection of who she is, and if I get too involved, I will spoil it for her. So I am encouraging and available to help, but nothing more. I ran the tiller and helped get the grass out. I lug bags of compost and mulch, and I sprinkle red pepper to help keep the cats away, but I do not tell her where I think things should go. I occasionally mention a plant I like – if it shows up that’s fine, if it doesn’t show up, that’s fine too.
My point is sometimes being supportive means being on the fringe. It means being available to help, but not getting offended if you’re not included.
Image Credit: © Lori Byerly
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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
New blog this week – refine us. I’ve been following and sharing this couple on Twitter for some time, but somehow did not get them onto my blog list.
A Grown Up Marriage
Control or Intimacy, You Can’t Have Both ◄ This is similar to my recent post about control and happiness.
Assume Love
Why Your Husband Does Those Annoying Things He Does ◄ You could read this with the genders switched, and that would be good, but even better look at what you do that annoys your bride and ask why you do those things?
Engaged Marriage
Count Your Blessings: How to Appreciate Your Partner ◄ A good thing to do from time to time.
The Generous Wife
Do the Positive ◄ A simple step to a better life.
Once a Month Check ◄ Have fun, but take it seriously.
Journey to Surrender
Which Way Are You Leaning? ◄ You need to read and think on this one!
Marriage Life
The Funnel of Sexual Arousal; Know Your Brain-Control Your Body ◄ An excellent and important article.
refine us
The Secret to Staying Happily Married ◄ Yes, very important!
Refresh |MarriageToday
Sexual Parameters within Marriage ◄ Very much what I think, and well done.
Stupendous Marriage
Stupendous Marriage Show with Stu and Lisa Gray Episode 51 – Becoming One Flesh ◄ Good discussion of who brings in what money to the marriage, and what else is important.
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