The other day, I saw a reference to a finding from a 2005 Italian study that got a LOT of press when it came out: Having a television in your bedroom cuts your sexual frequency in half. The study authors said, “If there’s no television in the bedroom, the frequency (of sexual intercourse) doubles” and found the situation was even worse for older couples. Now there is the obvious issue of which is cause and which is effect here. I would think couples who have less sex, and couples who have no sex, are more likely to have a TV in their bedroom. So, I see other explanations for the correlation. Indeed, better done studies have found televisions have a smaller negative impact on sex. But every study shows some decrease in sex!
So, I do have concerns about a TV in the bedroom. I can certainly see how one spouse could use it as a way to avoid sex. I would say the same thing for cell phones and laptops in the bedroom. In fact, I’m even more concerned about phones and computers because they are far more likely to be used by only one spouse, whereas TV watching is more likely to be a joint activity. I think electronics are sometimes used to avoid intimacy; intimacy of all kinds. Sexologist Bob Berkowitz, Ph.D. has posited much the same, saying, “…sometimes I think we are choosing to be distracted. It’s almost like ‘Let’s watch TV so we do not have to talk.’”
If you have a good relationship and a good sex life, I don’t think electronics in your bedroom are going to keep you from having sex. You can have sex before TV, after TV, during (especially if it’s not live, and you can pause) or instead of TV. (J discussed this recently in her post Must Your Bedroom Be a Love Den.) However, if you’re having trouble being intimate, be it with sex or any other form of intimacy, a no devices in the bedroom rule seems like a marriage positive choice.
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I’ve never had a TV in the bedroom, but a few days ago, our TV in our living room broke (smoke and everything).
So, we’ve been TV less for 4 days, and probably will be for another couple of weeks while the warranty is worked out.
My wife and I, who would typically find a movie or show to watch, have been playing board games together every night. It’s been amazing. Thank God the TV broke.
Jay Dee – I agree that TV is a low form of together time. If it’s sparks conversations about plot or the relationships of the characters, there is some good from it, but it’s not interactive as it’s viewed.
As with most things, it’s about balance. Some TV is fine, too much is a problem.
One of my fondest memories early on in my marriage is of me and my hubby snuggled up together watching the World Series on TV. We ended most of those nights with lovemaking. Perhaps the most important issue, as you point out, is togetherness is whatever you are doing in the bedroom — even if it’s TV watching.
My wife and I have gotten much more intentional recently about watching for “electronic interference” in our marriage. I posted about it just this week as a guest post on the Hope at Home blog.
http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/are-you-missing-your-marriage.html
Scott – had not seen that article yet. I agree with what you said – “electronic interference” is a big relationship issue and it goes well beyond the bedroom. I see couples eating at a restaurant who don’t talk because both are talking on their phone, texting, playing a game, reading the news …
I used to use my iPod touch to keep myself alert and awake until my wife came to bed so we could be intimate. Unfortunately, iPod started to mean Instant Porn On Demand. Keep the electronics out of the bedroom.